I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
