So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
