Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
