You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
