We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
