The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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