When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
