the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
