I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
