WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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