Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
