dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
