Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
