i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
