I like to think it a success when the cops are called
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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