It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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