i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
