Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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