Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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