True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
