i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize