every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
