im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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