I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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