I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
