i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
