i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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