GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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