I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize