My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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