I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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