In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
