It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize