you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize