You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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