i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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