I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
