I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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