So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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