So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize