Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Enjoy the penises
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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