I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
