His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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