Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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