i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
