I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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