What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
