remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize