you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
