I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
