oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
