Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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