We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You're earring is so big in my mouth
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
