So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
