You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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