anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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