That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we're making bets on your personal life
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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