Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
