I am puke
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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