Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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