you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
