Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you would pick up someone in the library
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
