reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
