I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
