I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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