I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
