I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize