she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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