Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
