cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
