Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
