Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
