I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
