I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
