hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
