im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
