I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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