At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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