dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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