yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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