yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
