she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
