I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
