I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
