I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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