what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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