idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
