I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
