So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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