the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
honey bunches of taint.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize