He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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