Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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