a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
