I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
