i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
