To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
