glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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