Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
