She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize