My first STD was from a foam party
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
