I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
