Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
