peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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