Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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