Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
