your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
