omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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