yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
