You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
