Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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