Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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