Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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