John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize