the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
